I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
