dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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