I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Are we still banned from the library?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
