Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
