wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
