they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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