I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
