I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
