Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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