took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
