bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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