i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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