John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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