that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
