So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
