I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
