I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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