The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
