He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
