I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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