I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i would punch a child for taco bell
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
