Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
