gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
