You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
