Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
