In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
