Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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