What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
