why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
only you would photoshop your dick
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
