Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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