Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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