Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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