mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
