hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Randomize
