none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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