I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
