first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
