He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
