:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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