I am puke
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My ass is underappreciated
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
