I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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