I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
