I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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