i permit you to call me
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
