Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
