just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
