Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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