I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
