dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
