I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
